


I'd Rather Be With You

by Minervva



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Breaking Up & Making Up, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Virgin Katsuki Yuuri, dont worry they dont actually date other people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-01-05 03:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21206747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minervva/pseuds/Minervva
Summary: After moving to St. Petersburg, Yuuri still can't seem to get used to being with Victor. He worries that his lack of experience will ruin everything and that Victor will get tired of him pushing him away when things get heated between them. After overhearing a conversation between Yuuri and Phichit, Victor thinks that Yuuri wishes he had gotten some more experience and dated other people before he settles down with Victor. Cue miscommunications and angst.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Well I haven't written fanfiction in several years, and this is my first attempt at writing anything for Yuri on Ice. Hopefully this isn't too awful. My list of Yuri on Ice fanfic ideas was getting much too long and I couldn't get this one out of my head.
> 
> Please feel free to shout at me in the comments and tell me your thoughts.
> 
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](https://missminervva.tumblr.com/)

Two months after moving to St. Petersburg, Yuuri started feeling like Victor’s apartment was home. Which was strange considering that Yuuri didn’t technically live there.

When Victor had told Yakov about his plans to return to competitive skating and that Yuuri would be joining them in Russia so Victor could continue as his coach, Yakov had immediately set Yuuri up with an apartment in the building where the majority of his skaters lived.

Naturally, Victor protested, wanting Yuuri as close to himself as possible, but Yakov was adamant that the two living together would only bring unnecessary distractions. If Victor wanted to be ready to compete in time for the Europeans, he needed to focus.

Yuuri was secretly happy with this arrangement. Things between him and Victor were good, but his anxiety still flared up with a vengeance whenever he thought about actually moving in with his former idol. Maybe someday down the road, but not quite yet.

It was comforting to him that just in case this thing with Victor came crashing down (which to be honest, it probably would) and the older man finally realized that he had made a mistake wanting to share his life with Yuuri, he had somewhere to fall back on.

It didn’t particularly matter that he had barely unpacked any of the boxes piled up in the corner of the small one-bedroom near the rink, or that he had only spent a handful of nights sleeping there since moving in. He expected he would keep it until the year lease was up and if by some insane stroke of luck Victor still wanted him, he might be confident enough to officially move in with Victor. Until then, it was a comfort he kept in the back of his mind for those especially bad brain days.

His own apartment was nice enough, right down the hall from the other Russian skaters, and a stone’s throw from the rink. But somehow, he found himself curled in bed next to Victor each morning on what had quickly become “his side” of the mattress.  
________________________________________  
The first few days staying with Victor, he had tiptoed around, afraid to overstep. He was in _Victor Nikiforov’s apartment_. He had basically memorized the layout of the living room from the photos of it he’d seen in magazines. But there was also Victor’s bedroom, which was entirely new and terrifying.

That first night Yuuri had stood awkwardly next to the bed for several minutes trying to push down his anxiety until Victor was finally able to coax him under the blankets. They’d shared a bed several times before, but this was _Victor’s bed_. It felt far more personal than sleeping next to each other in hotel rooms.

Luckily, he had been exhausted from travel and was barely conscious when Victor wrapped an arm around Yuuri’s waist and nuzzled into the soft space of his neck.

Waking up in a similar position had a been a different experience.

He had woken up confused in the unfamiliar room and proceeded to lie there for over an hour, too afraid to move out from under Victor and risk waking him. Victor finally woke, letting out a contented sigh and snuggling closer against Yuuri’s chest before opening his eyes and looking up at the younger man.

“Well, good morning Yuuri,” he said sleepily, his smile far too wide for it being eight in the morning. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes! Thanks. I slept fine. Do you want to... umm...”

“Oh! Sorry,” he said, moving himself off of Yuuri. “You’re right, we should get up. I’ll make you a proper welcome breakfast before we head over to the rink!” Victor got up to pull on some sweatpants while Yuuri blushed and tried not to stare.

Yuuri followed him out into the kitchen, patting Makka’s head who still snoozed at the foot of the bed.

“Victor?”

“Hmm?” Victor replied, his back to Yuuri as he prepared coffee.

“Umm... do you think I could— I mean, can I... can I use your shower before we go?” Yuuri looked anywhere that was not Victor’s face, the skating magazines on the counter, the most-likely fake plant near the door. “It’s just, it was a long flight and I was too tired last night, but...”

Victor turned around quickly. “Oh! Of course, Yuuri. I’m sorry, I should have asked. Of course, you would want to shower after your trip.”

“Did you want to shower first? I can wait, I don’t want to impose or anything.”

Victor shook his head. “No, you go ahead. I should walk Makka first. I’ll grab you a towel.” He walked past Yuuri, opening a small closet next to the bathroom.

“No! Ah, I mean, you don’t have to do that.”

Victor paused, a fluffy blue towel half way pulled out of the closet. “You... don’t want a towel?” He cocked his head at Yuuri, his fringe falling around his eye, still messy from sleep.

“Umm... I just meant—I don’t want to—” _It’s just a towel Yuuri. You’re being ridiculous. He’s going to think you are crazy._ He took a deep breath. “Thank you. A towel would be great.”

Victor got far closer than was necessary to hand Yuuri the towel and looked down at him. “Yuuri. It’s just me. You don’t need to be so nervous. I am very happy that you are here.”

Yuuri felt some of the tension leave him and took the towel from Victor. “I’m happy to be here too. I— I missed you.”

The look on Victor’s face made this whole mess of a morning worth it. He threw his arms around Yuuri in a crushing hug, which he returned after a moment, breathing in the familiar smell of Victor.

Victor had already left, an excited Makka pouncing around his feet, when Yuuri remembered his toiletries were in one of the boxes currently in his own apartment and he didn’t know if Victor was okay with him sharing.  
________________________________________

After the twentieth time Yuuri had asked permission to do something—this time it had been to get a glass from the cupboard for water—Victor just let out a sigh and pulled him down onto the couch, pinning Yuuri underneath him.

“You know, you don’t have to be so careful around me Yuuri,” he said smiling at the blush spreading on Yuuri’s cheeks. “Just make yourself at home, okay? You don’t need to ask.”

Yuuri nodded. “Sorry. I guess I’m not used to being here. It was different in Hasetsu. I just want to be polite.”

“Yuuri. Yesterday you asked me if you could sit on the couch.”

“I didn’t want to mess up the pillows!”

Victor laughed and leaned in to kiss Yuuri on the tip of his nose, loving the deepening blush on Yuuri’s face. “Well, from now on, please just assume that everything you want to ask for is okay. You can use the bathroom anytime you want, help yourself to the kitchen, walk Makka, make as many messes as you want. You can go through my closets even! I have nothing to hide from you Yuuri. I’m just happy to have you here with me.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Well I don’t think I’ll be searching through your closets, but I’ll try to relax a bit.”  
________________________________________

He did try. It was different than living together at the onsen in Hasetsu, but after a few weeks, the two had settled into a routine and Yuuri could look around the apartment and be amazed at how seamlessly he and Victor had melded their lives together. Their belongings existing side by side as easy and natural as if they had always been there.

He had his own side of the dresser, a small section of the closet that wasn’t taken up by Victor’s much too extravagant collection of designer suits and expensive looking sweaters. His favorite teas were tucked away in the kitchen cabinet next to his favorite mug. His toiletries carefully set out on the bathroom counter. The book he was reading sitting out on the coffee table where he could curl up on the couch in one of Victor’s impossibly soft blankets and read after practice.

It was almost perfect. He was mostly comfortable there and Victor hadn’t kicked him out and told him to stay at his own apartment yet, so that was something. Yuuri still felt like he was waiting for Victor to get tired of him, waiting for that one time he would overstep or push Victor away and Victor would realize that dealing with Yuuri was too difficult and he didn’t want this.

Somehow, it had been two months and Victor still smiled at him each morning and kissed him over their morning coffee.

They kissed often. Lazily while lying on the couch, ignoring the Russian drama movie playing in the background. Quickly at the rink while Yurio raged and yelled profanities at them from across the ice. Each time made Yuuri blush and his stomach flutter in a way he would never get tired of.

While kissing Victor was unbelievable and amazing, and something Yuuri just knew he would never get used to, it was also terrifying at times. It came naturally to Victor, like he had done it often, like it was simple. Like it was no big deal that his tongue was in Yuuri’s mouth. Like that was a completely normal thing to be happening.

Meanwhile Yuuri was trying to shove down panic rising in his chest and just maybe, _enjoy_ the fact that he was laying on Victor Nikiforov’s couch with Victor himself above him, with Victor’s hand on his chest and legs tangled up with his own.

Victor should win gold medals for kissing. He was exceptional at it, a fact that was not lost on Yuuri as he struggled to get his body under control when Victor moved to start peppering kisses down Yuuri’s neck.

But even as much as he loved the soft moans that Victor made when he rubbed himself against Yuuri’s thigh— he froze, like he always did when things started to heat up between them, made an excuse about needing to check on the water he was boiling for tea, and slid out from underneath Victor, escaping to the kitchen and trying to calm his breathing.

Guilt swelled up in him when he heard a frustrated sigh from where he had abandoned Victor on the couch. But just like always, Victor came up behind him, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, dropped a kiss onto his head, and asked Yuuri to make him a cup as well.

Two months living with Victor was all it had taken to feel like the apartment was his home. The problem was that when it came to Victor, Yuuri still had no idea what the heck he was doing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so sorry for the super late second chapter. I really need to get back into regularly posting. I feel the shame.
> 
> Please feel free to shout at me in the comments and tell me your thoughts.
> 
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](https://missminervva.tumblr.com/)

One of the first things that Yuuri realized about sleeping next to Victor is that the older man is _clingy_. Even the rare nights when they fell asleep on different sides of Victor’s king-sized bed, Yuuri would always wake up at some point during the night to find Victor wrapped tightly around him: Victor’s head resting against the top of his or nuzzled into the crook of his neck, arms circled tightly around his waist, one leg curled around both of Yuuri’s. Luckily, Victor was an early riser and had usually un-entangled himself from Yuuri’s body and gotten up to walk Makka and make coffee before Yuuri even woke up in the mornings. 

And then there were the rare mornings like these, where Yuuri’s mind was too busy and made his sleep fitful and sporadic. It was barely light outside when he woke up to the familiar feeling of Victor wrapped around him, and Yuuri smiled, his eyes still closed, and snuggled back into the warmth of him. 

But he froze at the press of Victor, hard against his back. 

This wasn’t unusual either, and of course it was perfectly natural and Yuuri had woken up to his own morning-wood countless times, but experiencing it with his fiancé never failed to make Yuuri panic. 

Like the first time Yuuri woke up with Victor in this particular situation and he had shot out of bed so fast that he almost elbowed Victor in the face in his attempt to escape. He ended up getting tangled in the bedsheets and tumbled onto the floor. Victor had woken up and just looked down at Yuuri in confusion and concern. Yuuri chalked the whole thing up to a bad dream and let Victor pull him back into his arms with soothing words and cooing affections in his ear. 

Victor sighed in his sleep and pulled Yuuri somehow even closer against himself. _Oh god_. Yuuri thought. _There is no way I get out of this without waking him up_. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to stem off the panic building in his stomach. 

_Maybe if I—_ Yuuri wiggled lightly, moving slowly until Victor loosened his hold on him, then he quickly slipped free and tip-toed his way to the master bathroom attached to Victor’s room. 

He glances over his shoulder to see Victor’s face scrunch up in his sleep, arms reaching and not finding Yuuri before turning to grab onto a pillow and pull it to his chest. 

Yuuri can’t help but smile softly at the sight. 

He takes a longer than necessary shower, the scalding water pounding against his back as his leans his head against the cool tile and tries to calm himself down. There is literally no reason for him to be so anxious about this. None at all. He loves Victor. Loves being with Victor. He _really_ loves kissing and touching Victor. He’s just being ridiculous, as usual. 

_Pull yourself together, Katsuki. You are a full-ass adult human. You can handle some morning-wood_. 

Yuuri has pulled himself together and is in the kitchen frying up some eggs by the time Victor wakes up. He prides himself on the fact that he only jumps slightly when a shirtless Victor hugs him from behind and sleepily lays a kiss on his neck. “Mmmm. Goodmorning, my Yuuri. You were up early.” 

Yuuri sighs and uses his free hand to squeeze Victor’s arm around his middle. “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. There’s coffee in the pot of you want some We have to be at the rink in an hour.” 

He chuckles at Victor’s answering groan as he nuzzles his face against Yuuri’s neck. “Fine. I’ll get ready. Do I get my morning kiss first?” 

Yuuri smiles before turning off the stove and turning to face his fiancé. He reaches up to tangle his hand in Victor’s hair and pull him down for a kiss. Victor hums contentedly and wraps both arms more tightly around Yuuri’s waist. 

Just like the man himself, kissing Victor is always surprising and Yuuri loves that it is never the same twice. This one starts off soft and lazy, Victor sleepily licking his way into Yuuri’s mouth and Yuuri can’t help the soft moan that escapes him. His hand on the back of Victor’s head pulls him even closer and Yuuri kisses him harder, drunk off the taste of him. 

Yuuri knows that his workout pants do nothing to disguise that he is half-hard when Victor’s hips nudge forward and presses his own hardness against him. Victor pulls back from Yuuri just enough to say “You know, we could be a little late for practice. I— I still need to shower... If you would like to join me.” 

Yuuri’s breath catches in his throat and he steps back quickly, his lower back hitting against the counter painfully. “Oh, um, we really shouldn’t be late. You should shower, and I’ll— ah, I should walk Makka before we go.” 

Yuuri just knows his face is a horribly bright shade of red as he scoots around Victor, and completely ignoring both Victor’s face falling and the breakfast he just made for them, Yuuri slips on his shoes and grabs Makka’s leash. He and the excited poodle are out the door and down the street before Yuuri stops and drops his head into his hands to let out a frustrated groan. 

******************************************************************************* 

“Seriously Peach, what is wrong with me?” Yuuri asks while Phichit tries to stop laughing on the other end of the phone. “You should have seen his face when I left. I feel like such an idiot.” 

“Oh, come on Yuuri. You aren’t an idiot. You’re just a very enthusiastic, yet inexperienced virgin who happens to be engaged to a literal sex god. I think anyone in your situation would be a little nervous.” 

“A little nervous? Phichit, I can barely even kiss Victor without panicking. And forget sex, I literally run away every time he touches me. How is that normal?” He stops on the sidewalk to let Makka sniff at some flowers. 

Phichit sighs. “Maybe you just need some time to adjust to the move and everything. It’s a lot at once. Plus, he’s pretty much your first boyfriend. You’ve kissed, what, like 3 people before Victor?” 

“Okay, that one time at the frat party doesn’t count.” 

“I was there. Yes, it does. Just because you don’t remember shoving your tongue down his throat doesn’t mean it doesn’t count,” Phichit explained with a tone that clearly said they’d had this argument several times before. 

“I’m still not sure I believe you. Pics or it didn’t happen.” 

Phichit laughs and Yuuri is reminded that he should be eternally grateful to have such a wonderful human as a best friend. 

“But really, Yuuri. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous. Just, talk to Victor about it. I’m sure he’ll understand. And he would never pressure you into anything, right?” 

“No, no of course not! That isn’t it at all. Things were just so much easier in Hasetsu. I don’t know why I’m freaking out about this so much now.” 

“Listen to Daddy Peaches on this one,” Phichit says, and Yuuri snorts into the phone. “That man clearly wants you. And I know you want him. I’ve seen the two of you together. You could barely keep your hands off of each other at the banquet. This is Victor we’re talking about. He’s so in love with you, he’s like a literal puppy. He’d be happy if you just scratched him behind the ear. Just take things slow. It’ll all work out.” 

“Thanks, Peach. I’ll try,” Yuuri says, feeling slightly better than he did before calling his friend in a panic after running out on Victor. But he still can’t seem to get rid of the anxiety swirling in his gut. He turns the corner and pulls out his key to get back into Victor’s building. “I’m almost home, but talk to you soon?” 

“Of course! Don’t forget out Skype call on Wednesday.” Yuuri confirms their bi-weekly scheduled catch-up before hanging up the phone and starting up the stairs to Victor’s apartment. 

Victor is sitting at the kitchen table when he enters, sipping coffee and flipping through a skating magazine. He lifts his head and gives Yuuri a radiant smile and a wink. Hair still wet from the shower and dressed in his usual tight black shirt and gray workout pants, he looks like a god-damned dream, and all at once, Yuuri can’t believe his luck and can’t help but think how so far out of his league he is.


End file.
